First Record-Breaking Storm of the Season

Ho Hum.

*yawn* Welp… another weekend, another record snowfall. It’s the third such “historic” storm I’ve endured so far in 2003, and I’m starting to get bored with the whole concept.

Looks like it wasn’t enough for our friends down at Guinness to stir up impressionable, insane people to try and break their own “Spaghetti Nasal Ejection” and “Eye Milk-Squirting” records, but now they had to entice Nature to get in on the act as well. It’s true, every time you think that maybe Nature has fallen out of the public eye for good, you turn on the news, and there she is, trying some crazy half-baked stunt to get herself some more sweet, sweet attention that all these crazy publicity junkies crave so much.

And the worst part is that the sensationalist media, looking for some way to keep their y-generation ADD audiences from becoming distracted by the other shiny objects in the room can’t wait to jump all over her latest scheme. All the news teasers say, “Nature’s at it again!” and “Another record for nature!” And people actually watch this tripe. Ugh it’s so frustrating.

Oh well, within the next couple of years I imagine Nature will have gone the way of so many other flash-in-the-pan novelty acts. When she hits middle age everyone will have forgotten about her little “Blizzards of 2003” and she’ll just be another fat, jobless bimbo eating chips in front of the TV. Probably watching the next “big thing” and pining for her bygone days of fame and fortune.

Anyway, enjoy your 15 minutes, Nature, because they’re almost up. I just hope whoever takes your place in the mainstream isn’t as much of a sensationalist attention whore as you are. Although I’m sure they will be even worse.

I weep for the future.

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